Sunday April 13th will be the second year of Emily’s death. Of course, it is hard to believe that it has been 2 years… it feels like a lifetime ago. I miss Emily’s voice… I miss Emily’s smile… I miss Emily’s bear hugs.
I remember back to that terrible day… Jesus died to save us… the day Emily died, I screamed over and over for God to take me… “please God take me! Leave Emily here…” that day I would have sacrificed everything, including my own life to save Emily. I guess God gave me a small glimpse of the sacrifice his son made for all of us.
I dug up my diary that I started after Emily died and found the entry titled “The worst day of our lives”. Here is the entry from my diary:
It started as an ordinary day… really a wonderful day. I had taken the day off since it was the kids first day of Easter break and because Emily wanted to go to Mercy to get a hooded sweatshirt. We found out that the spirit shop at Mercy was not open on the 13th so Cat and Emily decided to get her 8th grade graduation dress instead. Cat had classes in the morning and I was home with the kids. I changed the oil in the lawn mower and Evan was giving our grass the first cut of the season. Since we would be having Emily’s graduation party sometime in May, I was getting some other things done; I wanted to paint the top of the stone wall of the patio. As Evan and I worked in the yard, Emily brought us each a class of ice water. That was just the way she was, you didn’t have to ask. Then I asked her to help me paint the primer coat on the wall. She did that for me… I took over after Cat got home and asked Emily to fix me lunch. She fixed a wonderful sandwich and placed a smiley face with pickles on the top of my bread. She was in the best spirits that day… did she know where she was going? As I painted outside, we heard a woodpecker, pecking on the metal covering over our chimney. Emily thought that was so funny. Cat, Elena, Emily, and I looked for him and Emily was directing Elena how to get a picture of him. She also setup her camera on a tripod in the kitchen and was taking random shots of herself, Cat, Elena and some short video clips. I am so glad I got her that camera… she really enjoyed it.
Emily, Elena, and Cat were preparing to go to the mall and Cat and I decided to give Emily her 8th grade grad gift. The school had a talent show some weeks before and I won a gift certificate for a hair makeover ($150). We gave that to Emily and I also told her she could add another $50 to do other things like manicure, etc. She was soooo happy she screamed and gave us each two huge bear hugs. Every time I think about that moment, I cry. I want her back… I want another bear hug. Almost immediately, Emily began calculating what she was going to have done, maximizing her $200. Emily, Elena, and Cat piled in the car… Emily had a twinkle in her eye knowing she was going to get her graduation dress. Little did I know, I would never see her alive, see her wonderful smile, hear her voice, etc. again.
Evan went to a friends house and I loaded all my equipment in the car to cut grass and do other things at the rental property. As I cut the grass, I see Emily’s tree in the yard next door, the one we planted when she was born, the one that was a gift from Cat’s parents on that wonderful day. I notice how much the tree has grown and how beautiful it is… I think to myself, “Wow, I have to bring Emily over to see her tree, it is beautiful”. After cutting the grass, I ran into Chris Jaeger… he asks about the kids and says he can cut the grass if I need him, I take his number, and yes I was going to need him.
I needed some supplies from Home Depot, so I go there. While looking for what I needed… I received a call from Cat’s cell phone. A strange woman on the phone is telling me I need to get to Mercy Fairfield ASAP, it is about Emily. I don’t understand… I leave immediately, but now I need to find Evan. I drive through traffic back toward home, calling different friends of Evan’s trying to find where he is… when I get home I see the garage door open, he comes out, we leave. On river road, near state, I receive a call from the chaplain, he urges me to get to the hospital quickly, but to be safe. Little did I know, Emily was already gone. Evan and I have the longest drive of our lives. I take I-75 North, it is backed up before the Hopple street exit… I’m crying, Evan is crying. I try to call my parents, no answer, I call Mark. I call Lisa… Lisa tries to get a hold of Rich, a police officer. Rich tells Lisa to have me drive the emergency lane all the way and if a policeman pulls me over, have the escort me the rest of the way. We cry… I try the emergency lane near St. Bernard, but it is not safe… every time you approach an entrance or exit ramp… it is dangerous. I get off at Paddock Road, we cry. We drive up Route 4 through Hartwell, Wyoming, Sharonville, etc. Connie calls near Hartwell Country Club… she tries to calm me down… we cry. Sandip calls as we approach Glenview Golf Course. He directs me some back roads since he used to live near here. It back fires, I get stuck behind a bus. I curse… I cry. Sandip is also on his way… he arrives before me. He stays on the phone with me… we draw near… I don’t want to go… I don’t want to see my dead daughter. We are stopped at a light near Spaghetti Factory (one of Emily’s favorite restaurants). We cry, we curse, Sandip and Cat try to calm me down. Cat tells me Emily is gone, I don’t believe what she says, did I really hear that? We drive the last mile… we cry… I see Sandip at the top of the hill, the parking lot, I stop at the hill, Evan and I run to Cat, Elena, and the chaplain (Frank).
Mom and Dad, Mark and Michele and the boys, Lisa and Mike and the girls, and Sandip and Partha are all at the hospital… Fr. Chris arrives, he was at dinner with Fr. Jim when they received the call… we all visit with Emily… we all say good bye. We cry.
We leave in disbelief… it was so hard to leave without Emily. We go back to Mom and Dad V’s and sit in shock… I was sooo hungry when I got the call at Home Depot… but I can’t eat anything, it makes me sick. Someone calls our Doctor to get sleeping pills… we needed them. We have a very very restless sleep.
Emily we miss you so much… some days the missing you is overwhelming… some days I try to think about what you would be doing… what you would look like… how happy you could have been at Mercy… why… why…
Emily, I will never…
